Russel Peters performing one of the best stand up gags you will ever witness. The timing, the punches and the comparisons are just amazing. If you haven’t seen Russel Peters performing ever, then with this gag you will become his fan and if you are his fan you will laugh your ass out the moment he says, SOMEBODY GONNA GET A HURT REAL BAD.

Song from the movie Delly Belly produced by Aamir Khan. The song is crazy due to the catchy double meaning lyrics and the westernized touch that has been given to the video. One great insane idiotic super composition by Ram Sampath.

This is song written and composed by a guy from a medical college in India. The lyrics are great, i don’t need brains to understand them. A great composition. Any day better than the morons who created sutta.

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The latest news that caught my attention was the decision taken by the Mumbai Police to ban all its officers from having raunchy item numbers as their ringtones. The reason given for this decision was the fact that ‘they thought if officers had raunchy numbers as their ringtones, it might not instill confidence among the people who come to the police station with their complaints’. This is more amusing than it sounds. I was taken aback when I read this coming from the Mumbai police department as a reason for their action.
The country has been busy hailing the police force of the country for the kind of work that it has done over the past few weeks. Be it solving the kidnapping case of an infant in Mumbai or rescuing a year and a half old child, who was kidnapped by a maid in New Delhi.
According to me, in both these cases, what mattered to us was not what ringtone these police officers had when they set out to work but the commitment they showed to crack the case. Now amidst this, when we look at the decision taken by the Mumbai police, we can only think about what relation does setting ringtones on a cellphone have with people going to police stations to lodge complaints.
The Mumbai police should understand the fact that whether its ‘munni’ dancing when the phone rings or ‘Sheila’ sizzling when a hawaldaar gets a call , it hardly matters to the common man. What matters to us, is the fact that the work should be done and it should be done on time and with efficiency. As long as the police delivers the goods, all is well for the aam janta.
We don’t mind whether Pandu’s ringtone is munni badnaam hui or Sheila ki jawaani, provided, he and his men save our abla naari.

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did i just do something stupid?
Ever since Mukesh Ambani created his billion dollar mansion, I always wondered whether the business giant, for once thought about what he was doing. The idea of creating a sprawling 27 storey house for a handful of people was beyond my understanding. This similar feeling must have floated amongst the 125 crore in the nation except for Mukesh Ambani himself. There is no doubt that people around the nation had something to say about this wise businessman’s dumb decision.
Finally a few days back, one of India’s most successful businessmen, Ratan Tata expressed his concern over the Ambani mansion in an interview he had with the London Times and said what many in the nation wanted to say since the day they first read about Mukesh Ambani’s dream home. Ratan Tata quoted, ‘It’s sad Mukesh Ambani lives in such opulence’. The head of the Tata Group stated that, in our country, the gap between the rich and the poor is widening, and amidst this, a man who is on the verge of becoming the richest in the world, fails to recognize this fact for personal glory and luxury.  
It required a person of the magnitude of Ratan Tata to come out and express a concern which was probably common for a majority of Indians. After a few days though, the Tata Group clarified that Ratan Tata‘s comments on the issue were misquoted by the London Times. But whatever it was, it was the truth.
The Ambani House is nothing but an obsession to do the unwanted and in turn create personal landmarks.  Antilla is a billion dollar mansion, probably the costliest in the world. The electricity bill of the house for month is around 70 lakh rupees which equates to the electricity consumed by 7 thousand Indian families. Ambani, for sure brings pride to the whole nation when he is seen on the Forbes list year after year, but the worry is how little he does for the nation. I wonder if the desi billionaire even knows the fact the there are huge chunks of people living in this country with an income of rupees 578 a month and then there is he, buying a jumbo jet as a gift for his wife and setting up a residence with three helipads.
The Mukesh Ambani story gets more shameful when we hear of people like Bill Gates coming to our nation to help serve the poor and fight social problems. Mukesh Ambani, a man with such a lot of power and wealth had so many options of helping the nation and setting an example instead of working towards creating a landmark in a country which, even today is known for bollywood, cricket, corruption and its POVERTY.
Mukesh Ambani and others like him, living in opulence need to understand that, personal glory to some extent is bearable but when it reaches a senseless and insane height, people start questioning the credibility of an individual and his contribution towards the society. It is time, those having lockers overflowing with cash, started putting the country ahead of their own personal grandeur.

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play it loud
It is great move by MTV India to bring in Coke Studio to India. I don’t think there must be any music lover who isn’t aware about the Coke Studio. But for those who say they love music and don’t know it or those without access to the internet, Coke Studio is an integrated communication technique adopted by Coca-cola in Pakistan to promote their brand through music events that are shot and publicized. It has been a big success in the neighbouring state. In India too, the coke studio proved to be a hit. Indian Pop lovers religiously followed songs by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Atif Aslam, Strings and many more Pakistani artists and bands on Coke Stuido via Youtube. But now with MTV India set to launch Coke Studio in India, the Indian music fan will get again taste of the lost pop culture.
The 90’s saw a wave of pop songs hitting the music industry with singers like Shaan, Sonu Nigam, Daler Mehendi, Shubha Mughdal, KK etc. coming out with their own cut albums. There weren’t just the solo singers that were popping with their songs in the grwoing pop industry, but there were also a few promising pop bands that were making a mark, like the Aryans, Euphoria and Silk Route. These bands gave songs, that even today have the highest recall when you think of Pop in India. Sadly, since 2001, the Pop industry in India almost disappeared. Hindi movies was the sole source through which the desi music lover was made to satisfy his hunger for pop music. This never really fulfilled the audiences’ needs and the Hindi movie songs never managed to fill up the missing Pop music category. And then those who saw Pop missing in their music plate, turned their heads to Pakistan. All of a sudden, Atif Aslam was the new King of Pop in India, Jal hit the Indian shores and created a storm, then came Call, Ali Zafar, Shahzad Roy while Strings made a strong market in India with back to back hits. Indian Pop bands had sunk like the Titanic.
But now with the efforts of MTV India, the nation is all set to get a taste of Pop music again with Coke Studio. The show is produced by Leslie Lewis, the guy who had formed the band called, The Colonial Cousins with Hariharan. Coke studio India will be having singers like Shaan, Sunidhi Chauhan, KK, Raghu Dixit, Hardeep Kaur, Shafqat Amanat Ali, Kailash Kher, Richa Sharma and many more pop artists. The show will be aired from 17th June 2011.
I am glad that finally some sensible heads got together and tried understanding that a Pritam giving cut copy paste stuff from a few websites wasn’t something that the audience needed and wasn’t worth of being termed music. The launch of the Coke Studio will give us quality stuff and will finally put an end to the poor pop fan stumbling upon Youtube and then trying everything to download another Atif Aslam number onto his lappi.

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It has been four years since the IPL started. Every year the event has just got bigger, better and grander. But unlike the first three seasons, the fourth edition  of the Indian Premier League is bit of a bore to me. That is mainly due to the hell lot of cricket that I was exposed to in the last 12 months. Such a lot of non-stop cricket and the charm of the game fades away. I am tired but the fact that the online viewership of this edition has gone up shows that people are still into following it. But beyond all this, one thing that I have loved the IPL for is the ridiculous amount of employment it generates for the 2 months it is on.
The commonwealth games promised to generate employment for many and so it did. But those who were a part of that extraordinarily idiotic mismanaged show will never claim that they were a part of it. Just because of the negative vibes the games sent running through people. The IPL on the other hand has become a phenomenon because of its growing success. The way the event is staged is something the world can learn from. It is one of the biggest commercial sports events in the world. It is a model that many business schools must have starting adopting to groom their future Ambani’s and Tata’s.
When I am watching the IPL matches, cricket takes a back seat in my mind. My area of focus is the number of people I see involved in the game. Consider the fringe players of the various teams who rather than playing are mostly warming their seats in the dugout. They not only get to rub shoulders with big guns of the game but are also able to make a living out of the 2 months they are serving their franchise.
The people commenting on the game and those cricket illiterates who host the show and interview players shows the kind of money the event is letting people make. The DJ playing those raunchy numbers in between fours, sixes and wickets, the firangi cheerleaders, the band in the studio which plays nothing but crap, the traditional dancers on the boundary lines which mostly go unnoticed because half the people have their eyes on those with their miniskirts on. For all the above blokes, the IPL is a time of employment and a time to rake in some big moolah. More than cricket this is what I have liked about this event. It is not only for those budding cricketers but also for each and every individual who has something different to offer at this stage. The end result is lots cash in their pockets.
I have always been amazed by this model of the IPL and have always thought of it as one great moneymaking source. That is the reason I have already started looking out as to how I can be associated with this grand event next year. Because it’s not just cricket, it’s a commercial phenomenon.  

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The top four teams from the premiership table
The thought of writing this blog came to mind the other night when Manchester United was playing against Chelsea. The match was termed as the biggest encounter and a virtual decider for this year’s premiership title. The end result was that the men in red claimed their 19th premiership title by beating Chelsea 2-1. This isn’t something that interested me to write this blog though. For me, all through the match, what was interesting was the fact that many people, precisely Indians were giving all those status updates and tweets via social networking sites.
I don’t have anything against those who support Manchester United or Chelsea, the problem though is the fact that half of those guys cheering and flaunting their loyalty are unaware of the basic rules and nuances of the game. The irony of this whole part is, all those Indian fans who root for ‘their team’ during the English premier league, choose their favorite teams from the top four of the table. Couldn’t imagine making a choice was that easy. Then what follows is the most idiotic and kiddo loyalty of buying jerseys and posting status updates on networking sites and then engaging in some cold war with those who are supporting your rival team, which again is obviously going to be the one from the top four.
I can understand people cheering religiously for their favorite IPL teams simply because of the fact that they can relate to it far more easily than that mysterious EPL thing.  According to me, those stupid asses going around shouting names of their favorite EPL team is nothing but a mere attention seeking gimmick which promotes the message, ‘Hey even I follow EPL, I am cool…be my friend!’. Holy shit!
Those crazy fans with beer belly’s, get the hell outta the bar and start kicking the ball. Our country doesn’t need a thousand Rooney’s, Drogba’s, Giggs’ or Gerrard’s, even 11 Baichung Bhutia’s will do. Love the game? Take the country to the next level and then show how freaking loyal you are about the game.

For me, sport that doesn’t give an individual an inner pride, which doesn’t make him passionate and which doesn’t create a desire in him to enjoy the game can be termed a waste of time. It’s time those dumb fellas supporting the red and blues grew up and stopped aping the west and understood that, 
THE GAME IS BIGGER THAN THE BRAND.

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you just got it worng baby!

I had always heard and seen the fascination westerners had for India’s mythological tales and their attraction towards the Hindu Gods. All these years it was common seeing celebrities from the west tattooing the names of their loved ones in devanagari or starting to practice Hinduism. A religion and its many Gods has become a style statement for many. But recently the woman who made heads turn with her love for Hinduism  was Lisa Burke.
An Australian designer, Lisa Burke showed the world her most bizarre side when she and her models walked the ramp at the Australia Fashion Week in Bikini’s having photos of Goddess Lakshmi. What do I term that? A perfect synonym for a brainless bimbo. In reply to this act of dumbness, the Australian weirdo said, ‘The use of images of Goddess Lakshmi was not in any way a measure of calculated risk taking, simply it was a desire to celebrate different cultures and share that through our brand.’ Now she got to be kidding me with her reply. Did she just say ‘IT WAS A DESIRE TO CELEBRATE DIFFERENT CULTURES AND SHARE THAT THROUGH OUR BRAND’. If it was to celebrate cultures, I would have been more happy if she depicted the aborigines from her own backyard on her ass.
Lisa and her team of models’ ‘Lakshmi on my ass’ act was not fashion but insane. I never understood why was there any need to do something that was bound to become controversial. Or sometimes the people from the west are just so fame hungry that they want to catch the eye of the world with something like this. I would say a Rakhi Sawant or a Mallika Sherawat  are better than such idiotic and stupid firangs. Atleast their acts aren’t as dumb and displeasing as these morons. They are just irritating:-)
The Lisa Burke adventure has not only made her a controversy amongst billions of Indian’s but also put a question mark over the fact that, can’t there be a rule which says, Hinduism is a religion and any act that goes against the sentiments of the religion and its people shall lead to serious consequences. I don’t know whether such a thing exists at present. If it doesn’t then I would be very happy if those in control can ring in such rules and if it already exists then I think Lisa Burke got to be the first lady on whom this rule should be spanked upon first.

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The thought of putting this blog came to my mind just the other day when I read about  a weird desire that Sachin Tendulkar had mentioned in the media. Now my opinion isn’t to pull the legend down on what he said or to criticize the maestro for his decision, but it is just the first thought that shot up in my head when I heard about it.
So what Sachin said was that he wants to make a gold plated statue of the late Satya Sai Baba who passed away a couple of days back. There was a sarcastic smile when I got to know this. That reaction, was due to the reason that, he was the man I idolized till date for the way he has lived life, for the way he has been grounded, for the way he has never let success go to his head. I have always hailed the kind of decisions he has taken in life. But the decision that he took about the gold plated statue, that was a blunder according to me. But I would not say that amongst a billion Sachin is the only one that I blame for getting it wrong. There are several others who are treading this path.
The self obsessed Mayawati is one such person. A woman who is always in the news, more for building her statues and gardens after her name rather than doing some fruitful work for her state. Her crazy birthdays just show the kind of madness that the woman has installed within herself. She has a series of statues in her state and the number is still going up.
Another  example is that of the Shivaji statue that is due to be built in the Arabian sea. I happened to ask a localite, about what he felt about the state’s decision to build the statue and he replied, ‘channgla aahe na…Marathi maansaacha satkar hou de’. That was silly for me.
The reason I gave the three examples is for a simple reason that our country is still developing and in this process, has a hell lot of problems to be dealt with in which people can play a major role. What will the building of statues give the nation? Bullshit. Why can’t the same money be utilized to build a school, hospital or used for the rehabilitation of slums? I don’t mind if a Sachin Tendulkar builds a hospital called Satya Sai Baba. Infact more than me, the Baba would be more happy to look from the skies at the hospital rather than looking at his own gold plated statue. The dumb politicians like Mayawati should atleast think once on how their state can be developed and made better with proper funds and planning rather than wasting money and  putting up their own ugly ridiculous statues which no one is bothered about except their party. Lastly the BMC who has come up with  the outrageous idea of the Shivaji statue in the middle of the Arabian sea should see the various other problems that the city is facing. They can use the same money for the rehabilitation of the slums. They should remember that the reason why a foreign director won an Oscar after shooting a movie in India was not because he showed the Marine Drive but because he showed the slums and the poor and hungry India. That in itself is one big tight slap on our nation. And then when I hear these people obsessed with statues, it just gets more irritating for me.  Isn’t it a shame that the people who have power, who have money fail to identify how they can utilize it to the optimum. I, as a person strongly feel that this trend of making statues and making people demi Gods at various chowks and signals should be replaced by the building up of hospitals, educational institutions, houses for slum dwellers etc. Atleast we won’t be a society that has beggars on one side and then people owning the most expensive homes in the world on the other. Preferences should be listed looking at the condition in which the nation is running.
I feel this statue obsession should be replaced by letting one’s common sense strive for philanthropic activities so that people whom we hail or admire are also proud at what we have done and that in itself would be a great tribute to the great people than building statues.